Quick Dream
When I close my eyes to sleep, I see him: the man with the blond hair. The almost white haire shading half his face, the exposed eye purple. Yes, it’s purple. I see that dream even as I type this….
I don’t know what it means.
I have to go to work. I have to pick some ghost flowers from my soul… or fall of the stage. Wish me luck. Here is a good Otep tune.
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Brain Pauses
So I fell off stage a couple days ago. I felt the fog come on, but I couldn’t get down in time. Remind me not to wear long pants! Anyway, I’m ok, but Mr. Mann, the owner of the club, said if I do that one more time, he’s going to have to let me go. If I don’t dance, what will I do? I’ll just have to find a street corner, dance there, and start falling off curbs.
Dad says he will pay for a MRI. He says he doesn’t like girlfriends who stop working. I’m not sure if I want to do that, but I don’t think I have a choice. The funny thing is when it happened, and I hit the floor, I thought I was still dancing. I saw the crowd, the blank drooling stares of the audience. Of course, while drooling on the floor I saw this guy with striking long blond hair sitting in the front row. He wasn’t into me as he just sat there with a blank stare. But, when my brain came back and Lexie, the girl who smells like Jo, was helping me up, the guy wasn’t there.
Weird. Anyway, I’m doing research on MRI’s today.
I Live
It’s been almost a year since I typed here. Where has the time gone? Where have I been? Who have I been doing? If I said aliens abducted me and made me their love slave, would you believe me? If I said around the beginning of last March, I had a seizure, fell right off the stage and don’t remember any of it, would you believe that?
Not breaking anything, holding onto the important things
Yeah, I would have rather had the abduction. I kept having seizures for like six months. The doctors told me I shouldn’t be. They had me on some good meds (they made me tired and boring). I apologized to them by having a seizure right in front of them.
The last couple months, I have been better. I stopped taking the drugs and have started to realize when a seizure is coming on. Yes, it is strange to see me one minute on stage flying around a pole with one boob hanging out and the next, sitting on my butt Indian style… with one boob hanging out. But I found if I stop what I am doing when I get the feeling and close my eyes, I don’t break anything, but also I see things.
Naked white girls… oh, wait. I see that at work. What I see when I stop and my brain tries to cross the line between consciousness and seizing, I’m still not sure about. I just know it’s something. What, I’m still working through it.
Anyway, I have a date (yes, I may have bain damage but the lower parts of me still work). Wish me luck!
